Stranger
by panicrocksxo
Summary: Logan never imagined he would be at the mercy of his true love. Rated M for violence/language. Includes part two "Forever".
1. Stranger

His body tensed when he saw his boyfriend stride into their apartment. The sound of the splattering rain outside was muted when the door slammed shut, harder than necessary. Logan observed the taller boy wrench off his jacket and let it fall to the floor, leaving him in only a white cotton t-shirt with his jeans. The boy threw off his shoes, ignoring the puddles of water he left on the floor. His eyes raked across the room until finally locating Logan, who had been sitting on the couch doing nothing in particular.

As Kendall's eyes bore into his, Logan braced himself for the explosion that was to follow.

"Hey," Kendall said, his voice void of emotion. His eyes bore into Logan's with such intensity that Logan flinched away from his gaze after a few seconds. The silence that followed was tense, a prelude to the imminent storm. All they could hear was the rain hitting the roof of their apartment, the wind hitting their windows, the occasional thunder clap shaking the walls.

"So, you aren't even going to say anything to me?" Kendall demanded, letting a small bit of anger seep into his voice. Logan didn't answer. Instead, he stared at the dark blue material of the couch. Since both of them were about ten feet from each other, the distance kept Kendall from seeing the way Logan's hands were trembling. "Talk to me, Logan! Are you not even going to fucking apologize?"

No response.

Kendall exhaled severely and took a few steps toward his boyfriend, stopping short only a couple of steps from him. "I can't believe you. You're so fucking disgusting, Logan. You go and let another guy kiss you, and you won't even fucking apologize? Huh?"

"I'm not going to apologize, Kendall."

At this point Kendall closed the distance between then and grabbed the front of Logan's shirt and shook him roughly.

Logan wrapped his hands around Kendall's wrists in an effort to fight him off, but Kendall was already pulling him off the couch and pinning him against the wall next to it. Logan's head smacked against the wall painfully, but Kendall was past noticing. His face was right in front of Logan's, so no matter what the smaller brunette did, he could not escape his boyfriend's livid glare. He felt his heart drop when he noticed that Kendall's green eyes were glazed over.

"Did you like the way Carlos kissed you, is that it Logan?" Kendall asked, his voice dangerously smooth. "Did you like the way he held you and the way he wrapped his arms around you? Huh? Answer me you fucking whore!" Kendall's hand slapped Logan's cheek so hard, the sound echoed across the room. A single tear raced down the place Kendall hit, and that only enraged him more.

"Kendall please, let me expla-," Logan's plea was silenced by another slap in the face.

"God, you're fucking worthless Logan!" Kendall screamed at him, shaking his shoulders against the cold wall, ignorant to Logan's painful whimpers. "You're such a fucking slut! You have a boyfriend, you know, you can't go around throwing yourself at other guys! Yet that's what you do, and you won't even say you're sorry!"

"I'm not sorry, Kendall!" Logan screamed at him furiously, the tears falling freely down his battered face now. "I'm not fucking sorry I kissed him! He at least gives a fuck about me, unlike you! You're always gone, you never tell me when you'll be home. And when you do get home, you're either high or wasted or both! I'm sick of it! I'm tired of being pushed around and yelled at for no reason! You love your stupid drugs more than me! Just because you are so messed up doesn't mean you have to take it out on me!"

Kendall hit him again, this time punching him hard in the jaw and threw him onto the wooden floor. "Shut up!" he yelled at Logan. "Shut up, shut up!"

Pain ravaged Logan's mouth and skull as he lay there, completely helpless. His vision blurred with salty tears, and he tasted his own blood, metallic and rusty in his mouth. A few feet away, he listened to Kendall pick up various items and hurl them across the room. Glass shattered and fell onto the floor, like a diamond rainfall. The lamp that sat on the small corner table? Gone. The weird misshapen vase that Kendall had made him for their last anniversary? Gone.

"You see what you've done, Logan?" Kendall roared at him, finally done breaking their belongings and striding over to him. "This is all your fault! You love torturing me, don't you?" Logan lay there, the pain in his body enveloping him completely, when Kendall kneeled next to him. Instinctively, Logan pulled himself up to his elbows in an effort to back away from him, but it was no use. Kendall's hands reached out weaved around Logan's neck, shoving him back onto the ground. Logan struggled, but Kendall threw on of his legs over Logan's waist, straddling him and effectively keeping him prisoner underneath him.

"You liked it when Carlos kissed you, Logie, didn't you?" Kendall taunted, leaning over to press his lips gently over the place he had slapped earlier. His hands trailed down Logan's chest, which was rising and falling unsteadily. Fear enveloped Logan like never before as Kendall began popping open the buttons on his shirt, slowly exposing the skin underneath it.

"You're a slut, Logan," Kendall told him, once Logan's shirt was out of his way. "And I am going to show you what sluts like you deserve to have done to them." A few of Kendall's fingers tenderly ran across Logan's lips, wiping off the blood. The newly bloodied hand ran down the length of the smaller boy's chest, leaving behind a crimson trail.

"No, Kendall, please!" Logan begged as Kendall began undoing the strap of his belt. He tried to free his hips, kicking and bucking against Kendall in a brutal effort to escape his clutches. Logan's arms tried to rip Kendall's away from his shoulders, where he was being pinned down, but the attempt was futile. Out of nowhere, he felt Kendall's lips mash together with his almost violently. Logan tried to turn away but his boyfriend wasn't having it. Kendall's lips moved against his viciously, far different from the gentle, loving way he had done when they had first gotten together.

This Kendall was different. This Kendall was involved in a crazy bloodlust, and Logan had become the perfect victim. The old Kendall was gone and replaced by a monster.

Sobs erupted from within Logan's chest, desperate and uneven, but Kendall was far from noticing. He groaned against Logan's lips as he began working Logan's jeans open. "You know you like it, Logan," Kendall said, quitting his invasion of Logan's mouth to stare into the brunette's eyes one more time.

Logan stared into Kendall's green eyes, searching for a trace of the boy he had come to love a long time ago. His heart ached for a sign that maybe somewhere, deep down, Kendall would realize what he was doing and let him go. But he saw nothing. All he saw was the ghost of the boy he loved. This ghost's eyes were crazed with fury; his smile was cruel and painted with Logan's blood.

"W-what h-happened to y-you, Kendall?" Logan sobbed heartbrokenly at the realization that the love of his life was gone. "Why are y-you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything wrong, Logan," Kendall answered emotionlessly. "You brought this on. If it hadn't been for you, we'd be happy together. We'd be alright. But you hurt me. You kissed another guy and didn't apologize for it. I love you Logan, I really do, but you hurt me. I need to punish you."

"If you really loved me, you wouldn't be doing this!" Logan yelled at him. "You don't do this to people you love, Kendall! Let me go!" Logan twisted his body back and forth away from Kendall, refusing to let this go on any further. He raised one hand up and punched Kendall hard on the side of his head. The impact shocked Kendall for a second, and that was enough. In one fluid movement, Logan rolled over and managed to get on his knees before Kendall regained sense.

Kendall threw his arm back and got Logan once more in the mouth, making him topple back as fresh blood dripped down his chin onto the floor. Kendall lunged once more for him and brought them both down onto the floor. His hand wrapped around Logan's neck tightly, blocking the boy's windpipe.

Logan lay there, choking and coughing, while his attacker stared at him like a hunter observing his prey before going in for the kill. His eyes watered even more, both from pain and heartache.

He never imagined he'd be at the mercy of his true love. Kendall has been his protector throughout grade school, his best friend throughout middle and high school, and his lover since they graduated and moved in together. Logan had given up his virginity to Kendall, and had never been with another but him. What they had was unparalleled; they were literally perfect for each other. Kendall was outgoing, adventurous, and fun loving, while Logan was more reserved, shy, and analytical. They complimented each other well, and Logan was sure they would be together forever.

Or at least, he did. Until the night Logan found a syringe and vial of heroin in the pocket of Kendall's jacket one night after a party.

"K-Kendall," Logan gasped with a brutally strenuous effort. He raised his hands to fall on top of Kendall's and tugged weakly.

"I can't believe you Logan," Kendall whispered quietly, misery dripping in every word. "I didn't want it to end like this. I love you."

"Please, I c-can't breathe," Logan begged breathlessly. His head felt lightheaded with the lack of oxygen and his hands fell weakly against his chest, unable to fight anymore. He raised his eyes sleepily to look at Kendall. The punch he had thrown at him left an ugly bruise on Kendall's right eye. His blonde hair fell over his eyes; his mouth was stretched into an ugly grimace. Would this be the last image of Kendall he would have before his heart died out from the lack of air? "K-Ken-," he stuttered before he felt his head sway and the world bend at an odd angle.

Before he completely blacked out, the pressure at his throat slackened. With a loud gasp, his chest filled with sweet oxygen. At once, his throat began stinging horribly and his body jolted as he coughed and gagged. His lungs relished at their reunion with fresh air. He rolled over and braced himself on his elbows, continuing to sputter as his throat worked to relieve the ache in it.

After a few minutes, his coughs died down and Logan recognized a new sound in the apartment. He got to his feet shakily and was greeted by the sight of his lover sobbing on the ground.

The sound coming from Kendall was ragged and chopped, intermingling with occasionally yelps of hysteria. Kendall was curled into a ball with his knees brought up to his chest. His hands gripped madly at his hair as though trying to rip it out. His face, dripping with tears and blood, was screwed up into a painful grimace, looking very much like the face of a man being tortured. His eyes were insane with grief as they stared without seeing at the floor, which was littered with small drips of blood, glass, and broken objects. In between cries of rage and anguish, his lips moved so fast they were practically trembling. He muttered something over and over, but the words were unrecognizable.

Without a word, Logan walked over to where Kendall had dropped his jacket earlier, kneeled down, and began digging through the front pockets. Almost immediately, his hand wrapped around the object he'd come to despise for the past few months. After pulling it out, he saw the syringe was empty, but small drips still hung inside the clear tube that held the heroin. Inside the same pocket was a sealed vial of the clear, deadly drug and another smaller packet full of powder.

The drugs in his palm and Kendall's sobs piercing the air over and over gave Logan the confirmation of what he needed to do. Determinately, he stood and pocketed the drugs, eager to get them away from Kendall as soon as he could. They weren't going to help him, no matter what excuses he made. Finally, he walked over to Kendall and kneeled in front of him. As gently as he could, Logan reached out and pulled Kendall toward him. He wrapped his arms around him tightly, and although his touch made Kendall even more hysterical, the shaking boy leaned into him and sobbed into his chest.

"Shh Kendall, you're alright baby, it's going to be okay…," Logan whispered, running his hands up and down Kendall's back soothingly. The boy in his arms was inconsolable. His body jolted and shook with his heavy sobs and he held onto Logan for dear life.

"L-Logan I'm s-so s-s-sorry!" Kendall wailed brokenly. "I'm s-sorry!"

"It's alright, it's okay," Logan assured him gently, but no amount of comforting words could calm him, and eventually Logan stopped whispering to him. He simply held onto Kendall and let him cry himself out on his own.

After what seemed like hours, Kendall's sobs finally died down. He kept his face buried in Logan's neck without saying a word. His body was still trembling, but his demeanor was calm and Logan knew the worst was over. He turned his head slightly and kissed the side of his head with the lightest touch possible, making Kendall tense up, then relax.

"You okay?" Logan asked, reaching up to run his thumb across Kendall's cheek. He received no response. "You need help, Kendall," Logan whispered quietly. "You can't keep taking those drugs. You're killing yourself."

Those words seemed to have an effect because Kendall moaned and began shaking again, but this time his cries were softer. A minute later, he whimpered, "I almost killed you, Logan. I deserve to d-die."

"No, don't say that," Logan ordered, pulling away from Kendall to look into his eyes, which shone with tears and were tinted red. His face absolutely broke Logan's heart into a million pieces. It was full of misery and pain, more than anybody deserved to carry. "You don't deserve to die. Don't ever think that!"

"But I do!" Kendall said desperately. "I hurt you," he whispered hopelessly, letting a hand rise up to Logan's face and caress the bruises disfiguring his face. "You don't deserve someone like me, I'm nothing but a mess and all I've done is hurt you again and again. You deserve so much better, Logan. You deserve the world, you deserve so much…. I'm so sorry."

"Shh..," Logan silenced him, lifting his own hand to wipe away the fresh tears coming out of Kendall's eyes. He leaned in and kissed his boyfriend's lips with the smallest pressure he could muster.

The kiss was tender, gentle. It reminded him of their very first kiss a few years ago, back when drugs and partying and the pressures of everyday life were foreign concepts to them. Logan remembered the feeling of Kendall's hand in his, the way he had wrapped his arms carefully around him, and the way Kendall had leaned down to kiss him. There was nothing that compared to the feeling Logan had at that moment. He felt invincible, like nothing in the world could tear him down. This kiss reminded him that, despite everything, their love was still there somewhere.

When they pulled apart, Kendall asked," Do you still love me?"

"Yeah, I do," Logan told him honestly. "Despite everything, you're the only person I could ever imagine myself with, Kendall. You're the only person who knows me inside and out. You're the only one I completely trust to be myself with. When I'm with you, I feel alive. Whole. When I kiss you, I feel so happy, you have no idea. When you make love to me…all the bad things go away and I feel safe, protected. The world could be falling apart, and I wouldn't care as long as you're still with me. There's no place in the world I'd rather be than with you, Kendall Knight."

"I love you so much, that's why it absolutely kills me to see you poisoning yourself with those drugs. It's like the real you isn't even here anymore," Logan's voice cracked at he said this. "It's like I'm living with a complete stranger. I don't know you anymore when you're high, Kendall. You're always angry and always out partying with your friends, I felt so alone. I felt as though my only reason for being here had left me. That's why I let Carlos kiss me. I just…I needed support. I hadn't been able to feel relaxed in so long and when he kissed me, I felt okay, if only for a little while. I felt as though there was still someone out there who cared. But the whole time, I wished that it was you."

"I miss you, Kendall. I miss the old you. I miss when you would kiss me every time you got home. I miss when you'd hold my hand while we watched TV together. I miss when you'd say stupid, cheesy pick up lines to me at random moments. I miss when we used to cuddle together before we fell asleep. I miss when we spent hours talking about everything on the weekends when we didn't have work. I miss when you told me you loved me. I miss it all so much it hurts. I want it all so bad, Kendall. But we'll never go back to how we were unless you get help. We can't be together unless you stop the drugs and get yourself back together."

The room was still after Logan's speech. Kendall stared at the floor, crying quietly. He reached up and wiped his eyes clumsily with the back of his hand. On his wrist, Logan saw short, light red cuts criss-crossing all over up to his forearm. The cuts were healing, though a few looked fresh. Kendall caught Logan staring at his arm and quickly lowered his arm behind his back.

"Kendall, what…?" Logan reached for his arm and extended it toward him. He examined the butchered skin and ran his fingers across the surface carefully, feeling the thin indentions. The idea of Kendall taking drugs was already a lot, but now this? Now he was purposely cutting himself and making himself bleed? A few of Logan's tears fell onto the skin, and he raised his eyes to meet Kendall's shameful expression.

"I couldn't help it," Kendall admitted miserably. "I couldn't take it anymore. I needed a way to pull myself back into reality. I'm sorry, Logan. I'm sorry." Logan said nothing. He planted a kiss on his love's injuries and took a shaky breath.

With an intense effort, he got to his feet, leaving Kendall alone on the ground. Ignoring the mess around them, he walked out of the living room and disappeared into their bedroom. He picked up the pre-packed bag off their bed and a small business card off the nightstand. The card was like a weight in his palm as he carried it, along with the bag, back into the living room.

Standing by himself in the chaos that was their living room, Kendall saw the bag in Logan's grip and his eyes widened. Fear, sadness, anxiety all showed in his eyes. Seeing this look made Logan want to drop the bag and run over and hold Kendall in his arms and never let go. But he knew that if things were to get better, it was all up to Kendall. Logan had tried many, many times to help him, but he learned that someone like Kendall had to search for the help himself if he was really to get better.

He approached Kendall again. "Kendall, we both know that you need help. I've tried so many times to get you what you need to move on from this. I've done all I can, but now its your turn. You need to put in the effort to get better." Logan took his hand and placed the card in between their palms. "Please Kendall. I can't stay here any longer. My presence isn't helping anything. You need professional help. I know you'll find the strength to do it. You've always been my knight in shining armor, Kendall. You'll move on from this, I know you will."

Kendall's expression was scared, nervous. But he nodded. "Where are you going?" he asked quietly.

Logan shook his head. "I don't know exactly."

"Will you be back?" Kendall asked doubtfully. "I know I've screwed up, but does this mean…?"

"No. I'll be back, I promise. I just need to get away. I need to give you space to recover." Logan closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. He took a deep breath and took in his scent one last time. "I'll always love you, Kendall. No matter what."

"I love you too, Logan," Kendall muttered sadly, but sincerity rang in every syllable. "Forever." Logan pulled away and kissed him, fully immersing himself in the kiss. He put every emotion he felt into it, and when they parted, Kendall's expression was sad, but there was a hint of determination in his eyes.

Kendall watched as Logan closed the door of their apartment behind him. Every cell in his body ached to run after him, but he resisted. Instead, he looked down at the small card Logan had given him. His hand found a phone and he dialed the ten digit numbers slowly.

"Hello?" a cheery female's voice answered. "This is Clearwater Rehabilitation Center, my name is Kate, how may I help you?" This was it. The moment of truth.

"Hello, my name is Kendall Knight," he said with a shaky breath. Logan's face appeared in his mind and he said the last sentence with resignation. "I'd like to reserve a spot for myself in your facility, please. I need help."


	2. Forever

**Originally, this chapter was its own seperate one-shot called Forever. But since technically it's the second chapter that follows Stranger, I decided to move it here, something I should have done a while ago. So no, this is NOT a new chapter or anything. I just moved it over here so it'd be easier to locate and stuff. **

The white walls of his bedroom were closing in on him. The world wouldn't stop spinning, making it impossible for Kendall to gain control over himself. He stumbled all over the lonely room, knocking over his desk chair in the process, searching, hoping, praying for a way out of this hell.

"Get me out of here!" he screamed, pounding his fists against the door hopelessly. "Please! I need to get out!" Kendall's lungs seemed to be working extra hard to find oxygen. Breathing heavily like someone who had been on the verge of drowning, his body wracked with physical agony. He had only been here for a couple of days, but it felt like years. Years since he had last felt the sweet liquid traveling through his bloodstream, erasing all his stress and making him feel better. Years since he had seen the light of day. Years since he had been anywhere outside of these four walls, which were still slowly enclosing him in a smaller space.

Years since he had seen his true love, Logan Mitchell.

The thought of him made tears roll down Kendall's face. His knees gave out and he fell to the ground, sobbing.

"No!" Kendall cried, grabbing and tugging at his hair, oblivious to the sharp pain. "I d-didn't mean to, I d-didn't mean to, I swear! Please!"

Logan's face torn and bloody, Logan pleading for Kendall to stop, Logan's eyes filled to the brim with tears…each image was like a white hot whip, torturing him mercilessly. Eventually, his hands left his hair and ran down across his arms. He let his nails rake across the soft skin. "Logan…," he moaned brokenly.

It was all Kendall's fault. That was a truth he could not deny. If it hadn't been for his unrestrained drug use, he would probably be at home right now and not locked up in a small room in a rehab center. Logan would be by his side, holding his hand and laughing at some geeky joke Kendall had made. That's how things should be. Not like this. It was wrong, unnatural for them to be separated. It was as though somebody had taken away half of Kendall's heart and left a painful void behind only to be filled by misery.

How could he have let things get this far?

A wave of anguish went through Kendall's body suddenly, making a tortured sob escape his shaking lips as it did. He felt a sudden urge for heroin, knowing it would quickly erase the pain and leave him numb and unfeeling. Kendall felt guilty for wanting it, but he couldn't help himself. He yearned for the drugs, he needed them now more than ever. Upon his arrival at Clearwater Rehabilitation Center, Kendall was told that the first few days of his treatment would be the worst because he would be completely cut off. But this was far worse than he had anticipated. Literally every cell, every molecule, every atom in his body seemed to be on fire.

He couldn't take it. He needed relief. He needed to get out, now. With a fresh rush of adrenaline, Kendall shot to his feet and slammed his entire body onto the door. "Let me out! Let me out, damn it!" He stormed over to his bed and ripped the sheets off the mattress. He tossed those across the room, followed immediately by the thin mattress. Then, he tilted and knocked the down his empty desk. Fuming, Kendall kicked the metal bed frame and roared, "Get me out!"

Kendall threw his body against the locked door, putting all of his strength into it. The people had locked him inside like they do to all the patients every night to prevent them from escaping. Kicking, screaming, punching, Kendall let the out the storm that was raging inside him.

"NO! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he wailed hysterically. Kendall wrenched his eyes open and recoiled from the brightness. He could make out now details; all he could make out was the blinding light all around him. The room seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. If he didn't move soon, he would be crushed. He backed up against the door, staring wildly as the space became more and more compacted. His chest rose up and down jaggedly and his heart raced at an incredibly rate.

Suddenly, the walls were inches from him. Kendall turned away and banged on the door again. "Help me! I can't breathe! I can't…," his throat was suddenly closed off. He couldn't breathe. No matter how much he tried, he was unable to get air to his lungs. Choking, he cried out, "I can't b-breathe! I can't b-breathe!"

Kendall gasped, clutching his throat and slid to the floor. Another image entered his mind at that moment.

"_K-Kendall," Logan gasped with a brutally strenuous effort. He raised his hands to fall on top of Kendall's and tugged weakly. _

"_I can't believe you Logan," Kendall whispered quietly, misery dripping in every word. "I didn't want it to end like this. I love you."_

"_Please, I c-can't breathe," Logan begged breathlessly. _

When the doctors and nurses stormed into Kendall's room seconds later, they expected a bloody murder scene. Instead, they discovered many items strewn all over the small living area. The light was on, occasionally blinking from its spot on the roof. On the ground was Kendall, sobbing desperately, screaming that he couldn't breathe.

One of the doctors kneeled down beside Kendall and put a tender hand on his shoulder. As though electrocuted, Kendall twitched horribly and looked at the audience that had gathered. His eyes were almost feral and bloodshot. "Don't!" he whimpered, backing away from the doctor's touch. "Don't touch me!"

"Kendall, it's okay, we're not here to hurt you," the doctor said, reaching out for the boy again.

"N-no! No! Please don't!"

Gently, the doctor outstretched a hand for Kendall to take. "Kendall, I'm here to help you."

But Kendall wasn't having it. He let out a terrified shout and tried to stand, but another doctor took hold of his left arm and tugged him back to the floor. The first doctor gained a good grip on Kendall's other arm and torso, effectively pinning him to the ground. "Please nurse, I need a dose of sedative before he hurts himself," the doctor ordered.

The sight was excruciating. Both doctor's had to contribute a considerable amount of strength to sustain Kendall, who was kicking and shouting and fighting back like his life depended on it. "Let me go! Please, let me go! Don't hurt me!" Kendall pleaded heartbrokenly. "I didn't mean to hurt him! I didn't mean it! Please! Please stop!" The nurse returned with the sedative. Kendall caught sight of the needle and began thrashing around even more ferociously. "No, no, no! Please!" Quickly, the nurse stabbed the needle into Kendall's arm. "I can't breathe! I can't! Let me go!"

"Shh Kendall, it's okay. You'll be fine," the doctor told him soothingly.

Still, Kendall fought against their hold on him, but the medicine took its effect after a minute. His struggles weakened and his shots were reduced to small whimpers of pain. All he could make out behind the curtain of tears were the doctors' faces, which were looking down at him cautiously. Kendall felt the medicine coating his agony and making him drowsy. He fought against the haze but found it difficult.

"Please…," Kendall sobbed, eyes drooping slightly. "I need to…Logan…."

"You'll get your chance to tell him," the doctor promised. "Just rest now."

Then everything went black.

* * *

(One month later)

Dr. Hendricks, a blonde, middle aged woman with small wrinkles around her face and deep blue eyes, scribbled a few notes onto her clipboard before she spoke.

"How do you feel, Kendall?"

Across from her, Kendall sat still on the small couch, twiddling his thumbs on his lap. His face was smooth, calm. Without looking up, he replied, "Fine, I guess."

"How did your meeting with Dr. Crenshaw go yesterday?"

Shrug. "It went alright."

"I heard you're being checked out this afternoon."

A minute passed before Kendall finally stated, "Yeah."

"Are you excited about that?" Dr. Hendricks inquired curiously.

"I guess so."

The woman's eyebrows rose, disappearing underneath her bangs. "You don't sound very enthusiastic, Kendall. Why is that?"

Instead of answering right away, Kendall kept his eyes fixed on his hands and kept his lips shut. Yes, his doctor had told him that finally, after a month of detox treatments, visits with a psychologist, and group therapy sessions with other patients, he was finally at a state where he could manage on his own. When he had first arrived at Clearwater, his blood levels held an incredibly high level of narcotics. In fact, if Kendall had continue his bad habits even a few days longer, he wouldn't have lived to tell his story. Now, he was completely clean, a feat he would have never thought imaginable because of the depth his addiction had been.

However, the drugs hadn't been the only issue that Kendall needed treating. The abnormal chemicals in his body had affected his brain, too, causing his emotions to be incredibly unstable. Hallucinations and nightmares had become a daily occurrence for the first couple of weeks, and for the first week, Kendall had been secluded in the west wing of Clearwater Rehab, which was technically the section reserved for the more difficult cases. The doctors were forced to sedate him with medicine one or twice every few days because his panic attacks and his hallucinations became more and more violent as his body worked to accustom itself to being cut off from the addictive substances it had been used to getting.

The hallucinations slowed and stopped eventually, but the nightmares, to this day hadn't left. Or rather, the nightmare hadn't left. It was always the same nightmare, replaying his final day with Logan with shocking clarity and accuracy, successfully leaving Kendall terrified and sobbing every time he woke up from it.

The moment Dr. Crenshaw had informed him that he was ready to be discharged, all Kendall felt was anxiety. What he left the treatment center then went back to his old ways? Would he be able to stay clean and sober? But even more importantly, would he be able to mend his and Logan's relationship? He could feel his heart rate quicken with nerves. Failure was not an option. There was no way Kendall could stand to be in the outside world without his true love by his side, and if they couldn't fix the tattered pieces of their relationship….

"Kendall, are you okay?" Dr. Hendricks's rose slightly with concern. Kendall's breathing quickened and his chest rose up and down rapidly. "Calm down, hun. Everything's fine, you're fine." She gave him a few seconds to relax and prevent from going into full hyperventilation mode. When he seemed in control again, she asked, "What happened? Why did you get so upset just now?"

Shakily, Kendall whispered, "I'm…afraid." His eyes pierced through her, wondering if she could read the hurt and fear he had through them.

"Of what?"

"I just…. I'm afraid that things won't be the same anymore," he admitted quietly, meeting her eyes apprehensively.

"Why wouldn't they be the same?"

_Because I'm scared to death that Logan won't want me back, _he thought sadly. Out loud, he said, "I screwed up big time before I got here…and what if I can't fix things once I get out? What if they stay screwed up?"

His psychologist set her pen and clipboard aside. One thing Kendall liked about Dr. Hendricks was that she wasn't the type of shrink who scribbled every single thing their patients said onto paper. She preferred to have an actual conversation rather than conduct an interview whenever they met. Because of this, Kendall had confided in here everything that happened with Logan, his addictions, and his abusive behavior, knowing that she wouldn't tell anyone. Therefore, Dr. Hendricks was well aware of his situation.

"Are you referring to your relationship with Logan?" When Kendall nodded, she added, "Look, from everything that you've told me, I find it hard to believe that boy would leave you. He only left so you could have room to recover. I'm positive that once you see him again, you'll be able to pick up where you left off."

"But he never even came to visit me!" Kendall exclaimed, a tear sliding out of his eye. Frustrated, he wiped it off with the sleeve of his sweater. "He said he would never stop loving me, but he never even came to see me or anything! Its like he forgot about me…."

Dr. Hendricks sighed. "I wouldn't make assumptions Kendall. It'll only torture you even more. Once you leave, you can go to Logan and talk to him about it. But one thing is for certain, that boy loves you and you love him. Love can overcome anything. I know that sounds incredibly corny, buts its true Kendall. You may doubt his feelings now, but think about it. Has Logan ever let you down enough to doubt his love?"

The honest answer to that was no. With a pang of guilt, Kendall was reminded that Logan had always been there, faithful, loving, caring, while he himself had crossed the line multiple times. A normal person would have left Kendall as soon as his addictions went spiraling out of control, but Logan was far from ordinary. He was the most trusting, passionate, and honest person Kendall knew. Logan was with him through thick and thin. After Kendall had almost beat him dead, Logan still told him he loved him. There had never been a moment where Kendall doubted Logan's love.

Maybe Dr. Hendricks was right. Maybe he was just overreacting.

Later, when Kendall finally said goodbye to Dr. Hendricks for the last time, he returned to his room. His duffel bag sat on the floor by the door, packed and ready to go. It had taken him a total of four minutes to toss in his clothes and a few possessions he had brought with him. However, he had purposely left out a hard covered photo album. His bed creaked when he laid down on it, taking the book in his hands. It had been a gift from Logan, who had gone into a sort of photo-taking phase at one point.

Idly, Kendall flipped it open to the first page.

Four neatly arranged pictures adorned the first page. His own face smiled, half hidden behind a blue baseball cap jammed onto his head on one of the pictures. His hand wore a catching mitt and was tossing a white ball into the air. To the right, there was another picture of Kendall, this time he was glaring at the camera and sticking his tongue out teasingly. On the top right hand corner was a peach colored smudge that Kendall knew was Logan's finger that got in the way of the shot.

He felt his breath evade him when he met Logan's brown eyes gleaming up at him. Even in a picture, the brunette's happy, carefree grin never failed to stun him. Logan was absolutely, positively perfect in every way. Perfect in the way he never pretended to be something he wasn't. Everything about him was genuine, real. Most people would think adding new clothes or a new personality would satisfy the typical idea of perfection, but the thing about Logan was that he didn't need anything at all. Even when he was at his worst, uptight, pissed off moments, Kendall has never seen anything more effortlessly, naturally beautiful in his life.

On the next two pages were shots taken around their apartment. One of the pictures displayed Kendall brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Logan stood sneakily behind him, taking the picture from his prized camera while Kendall glared playfully at him through the mirror. Another showed Logan sitting cross-legged on the couch, reading a thick book with an intensely concentrated look on his face. Kendall had taken Logan's camera without him knowing to take the picture because he had thought it was cute. On the bottom was a shot of Kendall and Logan, side by side, sharing a kiss.

The longing to see Logan practically exploded inside Kendall. His finger traced across Logan's skin through the paper, wishing with all his soul for it to be real.

Slowly, he went through the entire album, stopping at each page to reminisce about the various memories forever documented on the pages. It was hard for him to tear his eyes off the pictures with Logan. His heart fluttered uncontrollably at the idea of possibly being hours away from seeing the love of his life. However, there was still that uncomfortable twinge of doubt tainting his excitement.

He reached the final page and let his eyes scan the photos hungrily. This group of pictures were taken at Kendall's twenty-first birthday party. One of the shots was of Kendall's face, shocked and blushing, as he entered their apartment to find the huge surprise party. All of Kendall and Logan's closest friends had turned up for the event that evening, and it had been a good night. A few of the other shots consisted of Kendall laughing with his friends. Another was of Kendall's cake, which Logan had specifically designed and baked himself in Kendall's favorite flavor and colors. The one beside it was of him blowing out his twenty-one candles.

Remembering that night made Kendall smile. Not only because of the party, but because that had also been the night he and Logan had made love for the first time. After everyone had left, Logan and Kendall were left alone in their apartment, completely worn out but happy.

"_Happy birthday, babe," Logan whispered quietly, kissing Kendall's cheek softly as the pair walked to their room. "Did you have fun tonight?"_

_Kendall laughed and squeezed Logan's hand in his. "The best. I loved every second of it. Thank you so much, Logan." The blonde leaned down and kissed Logan full on the lips, loving the feeling of having him close. Logan eagerly returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around Kendall as he kissed back. _

_Slowly, Kendall took small steps, leading Logan toward their bed. When the back of Logan's legs hit the side, he allowed Kendall to lower him back against the soft surface. Planting soft kisses against Logan's neck, he was careful not to let the sensations running throughout his body overtake him. They hadn't gone farther than making out yet, and Kendall did not want to rush Logan to do something he wasn't ready to do. _

_They kissed for a while, then something changed. Logan's lips moved with more intensity than before, almost desperately. His hands caressed the skin on the back of Kendall's neck, effectively holding his boyfriend to him securely. Kendall responded with an equal force, but cautiously as well. When Logan's hands abandoned his neck and trailed down Kendall's chest and stopping on the waistband of his jeans, Kendall broke away from him._

"_We don't have to go that far…," he said quietly. _

_Logan shook his head, kissing Kendall's lips one more time before saying, "Kendall, I love you so much. There's no one else I'd ever want my first time to be with. I trust you with my life."_

_Kendall ran his hand softly across Logan's cheek. He stared deep into his lover chocolate brown eyes, looking for a sign of doubt but seeing nothing except pure, unyielding love. "Are you sure?" Logan smiled adorably and nodded. Kendall couldn't help but smile widely before saying, "I love you Logan. Forever." _

That night had undoubtedly been the best night of Kendall's life. Nothing in the world could compare to the connection he and Logan shared together. Kendall's heart almost burst from the incredible amount of love he felt for the boy in his arms. If he had thought they were perfect for each other before, making love for the first time with each other pretty much solidified the fact.

Kendall was wrenched out of his thoughts by a quiet knock at the door. "Come in," Kendall announced, shutting the book with a thud. The door opened and in walked Henrietta, one of the nurses.

"Hello Kendall," she said kindly. "I just came to inform you that you're clear to leave whenever you'd like. You can use the phones to call a taxi or a friend or family member to come pick you up if you wish."

"Thanks Henrietta," Kendall replied with a polite smile. "I'll be out in a bit."

"Be sure to sign out with Darla in the reception area," she reminded him before shutting the door.

Taking a deep breath to steady his shaking hands, Kendall stood up and picked up his belongings. Without a second glance, he walked out of his room for the last time. He called a taxi and signed out, as instructed, then went to sit outside to wait for his ride. The sun was bright and the sky was clear with a light breeze hitting against Kendall's exposed skin. Even though it was considerably warm outside, his skin was covered in goose bumps. Nerves like none other enveloped his insides, threatening to send him over the edge.

The taxi arrived ten minutes later, and as relaxed as he could, Kendall told the driver the address to his and Logan's apartment. When the driver began making its way to the destination, he leaned back against the seat.

It was truly now or never.

They arrived at the familiar apartment building in about fifteen minutes, but to Kendall, it felt like five. He had been so lost in his thoughts to notice the scenery passing by outside his window.

Once the taxi had driven away, Kendall hitched up his duffel higher on his shoulder and determinately began walking toward the staircase. Each step upward caused an increase in his own doubt. Was he moving too fast? Should he let Logan make the first move? Was it too soon to appear again after their huge fight? He had no time to come up with a decision though. His feet had eventually brought him to the doorstep of apartment 2J.

Feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, Kendall knocked lightly on the door.

He waited a minute, not hearing anything at first. But then, the sound of footsteps approaching made Kendall take an automatic step back. How would Logan react to seeing him again?

The door swung open.

For a minute, they simply stared at each other. Kendall's eyes found it difficult to detach themselves from Logan. He looked over every single detail, trying to make up for the past month they had been apart. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the perfection standing in front of him. Logan's dark brown hair was messy, like he'd recently woken up from a nap. His eyes were surprised and his lips were parted, unable to speak. Kendall resisted the urge to close the space in between them and attack his love with kisses, not sure completely if Logan wanted the same thing.

"Hey," Kendall said softly, breaking the silence.

"Hey." With that one word, Kendall's heart began to flutter uncontrollably. Just the sound of Logan's voice made him weak at the knees. It was like a miracle that the brunette was standing just steps away from him.

Kendall realized then how much Logan's absence had really cost him, how much he had truly missed him. Logan was the reason Kendall was still breathing. Logan was the reason Kendall had put himself through the hardest month of his life in rehab. Logan was the reason Kendall was standing here, ready to fight to keep their relationship together.

It had always been Logan. And it always would be.

Kendall cleared his throat nervously. "Um. I was released earlier today."

"Yeah, I heard," Logan told him breathlessly. He wasn't smiling yet, which made Kendall nervous.

_What if Dr. Hendricks was wrong? _he thought anxiously. _What if this is a mistake? What if Logan doesn't want me anymore? _Kendall couldn't bear the thought of losing Logan. He couldn't. Especially not now that he was so close. His heart rate increased. To relieve the stress he felt building up, his hand tightened around the strap of his duffel bag. Logan's face was frozen in the same blank expression.

Cutting Kendall's words off, Logan said, "I can't believe you're here."

"Yeah…well, I'm here. If you, uh, still want me." The last sentence came out almost silently. By the way Logan's face refused to change even a bit, Kendall began to think the worst, that Logan in fact did not want him back. Time moved excruciatingly slow and the blonde boy wanted to shout in aggravation. Why wouldn't Logan say anything? How could he just stand there and stare when Kendall was on the brink of going into cardiac arrest with nerves?

After what seemed an eternity, Logan's lips curved upward until he was exhibiting a radiant smile. Pure exultance shown on his face as he took a few steps forward. Kendall barely had time to drop his bag before Logan had launched himself at him. The kiss that followed was like nothing else. Kendall wrapped his arms tightly around Logan, relishing in the warmth of his body. Their lips moved in sync with each other with ease, two halves finally reunited with each other.

Wasting no time, Kendall shut the door behind him with his foot and led Logan deeper into the apartment, never letting themselves separate. Logan's hands cupped either side of his face and traced down to the sides of his neck lovingly. The pair fell back against the couch, still embracing. Hovering over his lover, Kendall felt lightheaded with happiness. He tried to put so many unsaid things into the kiss, hoping Logan could tell how irrevocably, insanely, and intensely Kendall loved him.

Suddenly, Logan pulled away, looking at Kendall with alarm. "Kendall?" He reached up and wiped away the tears that were falling from Kendall's eyes. "Why are you crying? Are you okay?"

Kendall hadn't even realized he'd begun to cry. With a quiet chuckle, he took Logan's hand in his and said, "Yes Logan, I'm okay. In fact, I'm more than okay. I feel absolutely amazing. I haven't felt this good in a long time." He kissed Logan's forehead gently. "I missed you so much, Logan."

"I missed you too, Kendall. So much."

"Did you?"

Logan didn't miss the unconvinced tone in those two words. His eyebrows furrowed and he tilted his head to the side slightly. "What? Don't you believe me?"

Kendall sighed and let a little sadness show on his face. Adjusting himself so he was sitting next to Logan, he let his eyes wander across the setting. The apartment was still the same way he remembered it. Kendall felt his heart contract painfully when his eyes fell upon the area where he and Logan had had their horrible fight. Pushing the bad thoughts out of his head, he refocused on the present. He could always lie and say that he did believe him, then they could continue kissing and cuddling and maybe go a little further than that. But that wasn't how Kendall wanted to start off his new beginning with Logan. He needed to be honest. So he admitted, "I was in there for a month Logan, and the whole time, I never even heard once from you…. I was afraid that maybe you didn't love me the same way anymore."

"How could you ever think that, Kendall?" Logan replied, sounding outraged but his voice stayed low. "Despite everything that's happened, I never ever stopped loving you. The only reason I didn't go see you was because I didn't want to jeopardize your recovery. You needed to be completely focused to properly recuperate. But I did care. I called every other day to ask about you. I had your doctors inform me on how you were doing, because I couldn't stand not knowing."

This caught him off guard. "You called to check up on me?" Kendall asked unbelievingly.

Logan nodded. "I felt sick to my stomach with nerves, not knowing whether you were doing well or if you were getting worse, so I asked to be kept informed about you. It made me feel better, knowing that you were doing okay. It helped me sleep at night."

Still, Kendall wasn't entirely convinced. If Logan had cared enough to call and be informed on how he was doing, why hadn't he contacted him directly?

Logan sensed the blonde's reluctance. So suddenly that Kendall had almost no time to realize what he was doing, the brunette boy leaned in and attached his lips to Kendall's rather ferociously. His hands ran through Kendall's hair, tugging it slightly. Kendall was surprised at the way Logan was reacting, but said nothing. Logan pressed his body against Kendall's forcing the blonde to lean back onto his back. Once on top, Logan released Kendall's lips and planted small kisses along his cheek, jaw, and down his neck. Kendall held his true love tightly against himself with no intention of letting go.

Pulling away from his neck, Logan planted one more kiss against Kendall's cheek before stopping to look into his eyes. "Kendall, I love you so fucking much I think my heart is going to explode. The entire month you were gone, I was a wreck. I stayed at my parents' house for a few days, and you know what? I didn't even really see them the entire time. I was so…broken. I spent the entire time crying in my room. I literally felt like something inside me was malfunctioning. I couldn't stand not being with you and seeing for myself that you were okay. And now that you're back, here with me in my arms, its crystal clear that this is all I need to survive. You. You're all I want. You're the best thing that's ever been mine. You are the epitome of perfect. I want to be with your forever, every single day of forever Kendall. Please, please understand that."

And then Kendall was laughing. Truly, honestly laughing. The feeling was amazing, and having just heard those words come out of Logan's mouth only intensified the joy building up inside him. For the past few months, he'd grown used to anger, frustration, and pain, so much that this newfound glee felt almost foreign. Logan loved him. Logan loved him and wanted to be with him forever.

Tears leaked out of Kendall's eyes again, but this time, they were tears of pure bliss. Logan brushed a tender finger across his eyes to wipe them away, and Kendall saw that he too was smiling and laughing. Gently, Kendall brought Logan's lips toward his again. The words that escaped him afterwards came out easily. There was no doubt in his mind when he spoke them.

"Logan, will you marry me?"

Without even pausing to think about it, Logan replied, smiling against Kendall's lips, "I thought you'd never ask."


End file.
